For almost 50 years, Nellie’s has been providing shelter and support to women and their children fleeing violence, trauma and homelessness as they take steps toward accomplishing the next chapter in their lives. While we will always be here to provide these crisis services, we are just as committed to creating social change through education and advocacy.

“It can’t just be about Band-Aid solutions anymore,” says Jyoti Singh, Executive Director. “If this pandemic has highlighted anything, it is that we have not moved the needle one bit when it comes to violence prevention. Gender-based violence is very much alive around the world and here in Canada.”

And so, last month several Nellie’s staff members attended a two-day PAVE Prevention (Proactive Anti-Violence Education) workshop. This trauma-informed program dedicated to creating safer workplaces and communities around the world provides training to individuals and organizations on proactively preventing, responding and healing from violent events. PAVE is associated with ESD Global, which is dedicated to making empowerment self defense accessible around the world.

“Prevention starts with empowering yourself to set boundaries,” says Jyoti, adding that boundaries vary from individual to individual. “The feedback [from those who attended] was overwhelmingly positive. It was quite healing because we are often so busy helping others that we don’t often take stock of where boundaries are being crossed in our own lives.”

The learnings from this workshop will be integrated into our support programs, empowering women to set their own boundaries. But the goal is greater; later this year, up to a dozen Nellie’s staff members will become trained facilitators of the program so that we can teach effective prevention tools to our community partners to help them manage violence before they become crisis situations.

“Rather than dealing with crisis all the time, we want to stem the flow of the issue by providing more women with the knowledge and skills to set those boundaries. Because it all starts with micro-aggressions in the workplace, at home, or in the community. It hardly ever starts with someone suddenly being violent,” says Jyoti. “When we don’t have the power and skills to combat micro-aggressions, they grow and grow and we get devastating consequences.”

The learnings from PAVE Prevention training goes hand-in-hand with another new program we recently introduced at the shelter—Rock and Water, an internationally-recognized anti-bullying program for children.

“Our approach to violence is full-spectrum prevention. We’re starting with children all the way up to adulthood. If we could have a critical mass of people empowered to set boundaries, and to speak up when someone else is experiencing bullying, harassment or violence, it could be life changing on a systemic level.”

Help us create social change by supporting PAVE Prevention training and the Rock and Water program at Nellie’s. Email Ingrid Graham, Director of Development, at Ingrid@nellies.org, call 416-645-1419or click here to donate now!

Across the city this year, Pride Month celebrations are back in-person in Toronto after two years of pandemic-related virtual festivities. Every event, performance, talk and march are about uplifting 2SLGBTQ+ voices, celebrating 2SLGBTQ+ culture and supporting 2SLGBTQ+ rights.

And it’s about inclusion for all.

Inclusion and diversity is about ensuring that our sense of belonging is respected regardless of race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation or physical/mental disability. At Nellie’s, we advocate for all women experiencing oppression, such as violence, poverty and homelessness, so it’s important to us to celebrate Pride alongside the 2SLGBTQ+ community; it’s one of the really important ways we take a stand together against gender-based violence.

Why is Pride Month celebrated in June?

At the heart of it, Pride Month is about recognizing and remembering the struggles that 2SLGBTQ+ individuals have faced throughout history. It is held in honour of the June 1969 Stonewall riots in New York City. At that time, police had been targeting the 2SLGBTQ+-friendly Stonewall Inn and the individuals there. This led to a series of protests and demands for equal rights and is credited with being a turning point in 2SLGBTQ+ history.

This month is the 52^nd anniversary of the first Pride parade in New York, which was in 1970, one year after the uprising. One year later, in 1971, the first meeting of what was to become the Toronto Pride Parade, was held at both Hanlan’s Point and Ward’s Island.

Why (and when) did the Pride flag change?

Since 1978, the Pride flag has adorned the skies with its six distinct colours — red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet. Red is symbolic of life, orange is symbolic of healing, yellow is sunshine, green is nature, blue represents harmony and purple is spirit. Designed by artist Gilbert Baker, this rainbow flag came to reflect both the immense diversity and the unity of the 2SLGBTQ+ community.

In 2018, artist Daniel Quasar re-designed the existing rainbow flag to incorporate the baby pink, baby blue and white of the transgender flag, as well as black and brown stripes to represent 2SLGBTQ+ communities of colour. Brands and activists around the world have quickly adopted this new “Progress Flag” as a more inclusive symbol of Pride.

What’s at issue today?

Pride Month is about love, acceptance and being proud of who you are. Whether you identify as 2SLGBTQ+ or are an ally, it’s important to understand the impact on those in this community. Rights and laws may be progressive in Canada but they’re not in many other countries. The fight for equality and inclusion continues.

How can I celebrate?

See the 2022 Pride Toronto events calendar for events and activities throughout June, concluding with the annual Festival Weekend on June 24-26.

Don’t miss our Nellie’s bright and cheery booth at the street fair on Alexander Street all Festival Weekend long! We’ll be handing out information and flyers, accepting donations and taking the time to mingle and enjoy spending time together.

It was late at night when Mary Troke walked with her three young kids to the Hamilton bus station. Her goal was to get on any bus that would take them away from her abusive partner. The year was 1973 and each of them carried little more than the clothes on their backs.

The first bus that arrived was bound for Toronto and once here, she called the police for help. An officer picked them up and drove them to Nellie’s.

“My mother knew that she was going to die if she didn’t get away from my father. He broke her nose several times and even busted her jaw and knocked some of her teeth out. Finally, she had had enough,” recalls David Willson, Mary’s middle child who was about 7 years old on the night they arrived at Nellie’s. He says at barely 5-foot, 2-inches tall, Mary was terrified of his father.

David says his dad never harmed him, his older sister or younger brother and only vaguely remembers the violence of his early childhood. He does, however, vividly remember being welcomed by Nellie’s staff in the middle the night and being given everything they needed to start over.

“I remember going through a room with clothing and being told to take whatever we needed. And, I remember a plastic toy plane the staff gave me to play with,” says David, now 55. He adds that the photo taken outside Nellie’s shows three of them sporting the winter coats they chose from that donation room.

“Nellie’s gave us food to eat and beds to sleep in. And the staff helped my mom get through all of this.”

Even when we first opened our doors almost 50 years ago, Nellie’s has always been more than just a bed. We’re also a place women and their children can turn to for service and support. We stand alongside them as they navigate the legal system, immigration services, social services, child protection services, health care and more. And, we offer counselling, children’s programming, safety planning, outreach services, violence against women workshops and more.

David’s family lived at Nellie’s for about three months before moving into subsidized housing in Toronto. Mary found work where she could and devoted her life to helping others—even occasionally taking in, and caring for, homeless teens. “She managed to raise us on the little money she had. We never starved and we always had shoes on our feet. She did what she had to do to keep us safe,” says David.

After graduating high school, David moved back to Hamilton to work at Dofasco. He now has two grown children, lives with his girlfriend and runs a ghost hunting website in his spare time. “My kids grew up knowing never to hit people. They know what I lived through.”

In the 1990s, Mary moved back to Hamilton where she eventually bought her own house. His brother and sister both grew up to have families of their own.

In 2018, at the age of 74, Mary died peacefully, leaving three children and five grandchildren.

“She lived a good life all because the people at Nellie’s took us in that night. Everyone who worked at Nellie’s then affected our futures. They helped my mom and us and my life trajectory totally changed,” says David.

“I can almost guarantee that my life would have been one of misery with all the abuse at home, and I could have even turned out like my father. Thank you, Nellie’s, for saving our lives.”

A few months ago, I arrived at Nellie’s to find a woman sitting in our program space with a beautiful 6-month-old baby boy on her lap. I couldn’t help but go over, say hello and coo at the smiling child.

While I gushed over the little tyke, she told me that she was waiting to meet with Diana, one of our Transitional Housing Workers. They had last met a little over a year ago, when she was just a few months pregnant, and now she found herself in a position, once again in need of Diana’s help.

Our Transitional Housing Program helps homeless women find a place to live and offers eviction support to help women stay in their homes. The support we offer can take many forms, including providing guidance on accessing emergency funding to pay rent, advocating on their behalf on landlord-tenant issues, accompanying them to housing tribunal hearings or offering referrals to legal clinics.

In this woman’s case, she had lost her home in a fire—a fire she believes could have been avoided if her landlord had followed through on upkeep and maintenance complaints. Regardless, she was now homeless and living in a hotel (thanks to help from the fire department and the Canadian Red Cross) with her six children, ranging in age from six months to 10 years. She worried that she and her children would have to move into a shelter when their time at the hotel ended. Which is exactly what brought her to be sitting in that spot in our program space, waiting to meet with Diana.

As I gathered a few basic necessities for her to take with her when she left—shampoo, snacks, and toys for the kids—her story reminded me that just because many of our lives have come to a standstill in this pandemic, they have not stopped. Every day may sometimes feel the same, but every day can also bring unexpected challenges. A fire, for example, can rip through our home at any time in our life, taking with it our stability and security.

At Nellie’s, our job doesn’t end when a woman leaves our shelter and finds housing. We remain a vital part of her support network whenever she needs us. She may be fighting to keep her housing, or needing help finding new housing, accessing our weekly food program in order to put healthy meals on the table, or attending one of our many community programs to gain important everyday life skills. Nellie’s will always be here for her.

To every one of our donors, funders, community supporters and volunteers, I can only say thank you for making this possible. Government funding ensures a roof over our heads, beds to sleep in and other essentials, but we are so much more than a bed. It’s because of your generosity that, throughout this global pandemic, we have not only been able to continue welcoming women and their children impacted by abuse, trauma and homelessness but have also been able to continue to be there for the women and their children who still need us, like this woman and her six children, as they build the next chapter of their lives.

A child’s experience when fleeing violence and homelessness is very different from their mother’s. That’s because children don’t choose to come to Nellie’s, their mothers do.

A woman living at Nellie’s decides to flee an abusive or unsafe situation; a child living at Nellie’s is torn away from the life they know, often the only life they have ever known, and thrust into new surroundings. Many blame themselves for their living circumstances and what happened to them. All have to learn to process their trauma. And they need a safe space to express their feelings and work through those emotions in an age-appropriate way.

Our Children’s Program helps them do just that through connection and play. Whether it is through group play activities for preschoolers, craft activities for school-aged children, or teen support programs, our Children’s Program provides the vital human relationship that is the first step toward healing.

As part of this journey, we are thrilled to share our newest offering for the children living at Nellie’s — the Rock and Water program. First developed in the Netherlands and now recognized around the world, Rock and Water promotes the positive development of social and emotional competences and prevents and/or reduces problems in how young people see themselves and interact with others. Research has found that Rock and Water decreases depressive feelings, and increases self-esteem, self-regulation and social acceptance by building self-confidence, self-respect and self-reflection.

Nellie’s is the first gender-based violence organization in Canada to implement this innovative program. Only one other person in the country has been certified, and he offers programming within the Ontario youth justice system. Four of our staff members were certified last fall and now that we have moved into our new shelter (which has dedicated program spaces on the third floor), we are beginning to roll it out.

“This program gained international recognition for helping to fight bullying in schools,” says Jyoti Singh, Executive Director, adding that its effectiveness has now been proven beyond the classroom, including in shelter and youth justice settings. “It teaches kids when to assert themselves, when to be flexible and how to speak up when they see injustices.”

Through a series of exercises and games, Rock and Water teaches kids about the kind of situations to assert themselves by setting their own limits and making independent decisions (be a rock) and the kind of situations to be flexible using communication and respecting others’ boundaries (be water). It’s a physical program as the games are martial arts based, and students learn to block, hit strike shields, stand strong, negotiate using “rock” or “water” verbal approaches, walk away from a fight, consider alternatives to aggression, and develop understandings about who they are, their intuitive feelings and their personal direction. We’ve adapted the sessions with a trauma-informed lens that better meets the needs of the children living at Nellie’s, many of whom may move-in or move-out at any time during the program.

Learning to use Rock and Water concepts gives kids more insight into social situations and the impacts of their own behaviour. During this process they learn to make well-considered decisions, including in social situations, and they develop more versatile behavioural alternatives.

“They’re going to learn skills that they can carry with them long after they move out of the shelter,” says Jyoti.

It’s been almost two years since we purchased the three-storey Victorian building that would become our new shelter. In that time, it’s been undergoing significant renovations to ensure accessibility throughout the building, repair some of the historic brickwork, restore some of the old single-paned windows, upgrade the plumbing, install new air ducts and an HVAC system and complete other interior upgrades to comply with modern fire code.

“The building has old world charm with a modern contemporary twist,” says Executive Director Jyoti Singh, explaining that the shelter is a Victorian building with an attached newer addition. “For a woman fleeing violence, there’s something about these old Victorian homes that feels cozy.”

Despite some unexpected pandemic-related construction delays, we are expecting to move into our new home later this summer. Since 1973, we’ve sheltered women and their children in our beautiful residential building, but our space was designed for just 16 beds, and today, up to 40 women and their children reside within the same 8,900 sq. ft. footprint. They share a total of nine bedrooms, five toilets, four showers and one bathtub.

Here’s what the women and their children who come to us (and all of our staff who work with them) can expect when we make our big move.

First floor

Beautiful wood arches frame the front entrance hall with a stunning staircase that leads upstairs. There’s a welcoming reception office to the left and a large dining room for communal meals to the right. (Even with current health and safety restrictions, the room is large enough to allow for physical distancing.) Then there’s our industrial kitchen with a smaller, fully accessible kitchen behind it because “sometimes the women simply want to cook their own meals,” says Jyoti. Across from the kitchen is our living room. “It’s a room where the women can congregate and talk and maybe watch TV,” says Jyoti. “It’s going to be a very welcoming space.”

As you walk down the hall, there are staff offices and, in the newer part of the building, there are a number of bedrooms, each with their own washroom. An elevator in this part of the building goes from the basement to the second floor. (We’re still seeking funding to extend it to the third floor.)

Throughout the first floor (and even on the other floors), there are splashes of colour to help make the space feel warm and welcoming.

“You’re going to see a lot of purple, partly because that’s Nellie’s colour and party because it’s a very significant colour in the women’s movement. And it’s also very soothing and comforting,” says Jyoti.

Second floor

The second floor is almost entirely bedrooms, each with their own washroom and furnished with beds, a dresser and finishing touches, such as blinds without cords to keep kids safe. The doors to each bedroom are labelled with numbers as well as in braille.

There’s also a kitchenette on the second floor, with a microwave, small fridge and sink for women who want to make a quick snack or warm up a baby bottle. And, there are two offices dedicated for our counsellors to schedule weekly check-ins with the women. One even has space for a play area so that kids can play during mom’s appointment.

Third floor

The third floor houses our housing workers, our legal worker, our children’s worker and our youth areas where kids can attend our Children’s and Youth Programs. There will also be a computer room and a program room, which can be used for women’s group programs or parent and child programs.

There’s also a meeting space for women who need to have a private meeting with a legal worker; it’s a beautiful room with a sloped ceiling and a huge window that allows the sunshine to rain down.

Finally, there’s a room designated as a spiritual room where women can retreat for a quiet space to reflect or pray.

Basement

At the moment, the building’s only accessible entrance is through the basement. (We’re still seeking funding to make the necessary renovations to the front entrance.) Our Community Support Offices are there, as well as all of our administration offices and staff room. There’s a space dedicated for community programming, and another dedicated for shelter resident programming—with a small kitchenette attached so that light food and snacks can be served. And, our residents’ laundry room is in the basement as well as a pet care room for women who need to clean and groom their pets.

Backyard

We have a children’s play area behind the building where we hope to use future funds to build a playground. As our shelter is pet friendly, there is also a small, fenced-in area for dogs.

We continue to need your help now more than ever. Please donate today and help us move in to our new shelter.

For more information on supporting Nellie’s capital campaign please contact Ingrid Graham, Director of Development at Ingrid@nellies.org or at 416-645-1419.

Early in 2021, we created a new position here at Nellie’s—Program Director. Because for almost 50 years, we have been so much more than a bed; we have helped women and their children address their longer-term needs through our outreach programs and services designed to foster learning and support. By creating this new role, we can better meet the changing and complex needs of our community.

Jiin Yiong started at the end of February and is no stranger to Nellie’s. Over 20 years ago, she worked as a relief counsellor at Nellie’s before transitioning to a full-time counsellor and then as Nellie’s first transitional support worker helping women secure affordable housing in the community. From there, she moved on to management roles at other shelters and organizations in the social services sector across the Greater Toronto Area.

“Being a part of supporting women through their trauma is very difficult but it’s my passion,” says Jiin. “I’m very excited to come back with the skills I’ve gained throughout the years and give back to what Nellie’s has given me.”

Jiin explained that there are two types of programs at Nellie’s—educational and leisure. Educational programs are critical because the women at Nellie’s need to make informed decisions to take the brave steps towards accomplishing the next chapter in their lives. For example, workshops on family court and the court system help women understand what to expect when they go to court and the implications of certain rulings. Leisure programs, on the other hand, are just that—more relaxed and casual. These include cooking programs, self-care workshops and drop-ins.

“These types of programs are so important because often it’s through our leisure programs that staff begin to build trust with the women living at Nellie’s,” says Jiin, adding that most of the women need to build that trust before taking the first steps towards the educational programs.

Our Children’s Program, which gives kids a safe space to express their feelings and work through their emotions in an age-appropriate way, is also under her programming umbrella. The goal of this program, Jiin says, is to provide support, trust and education to the children who come to Nellie’s with their moms so that we can break the cycle of violence and so that they know that what their mom has gone through is not okay and is not their fault.

As we prepare to move to our new shelter later this year, Jiin sees many opportunities for program growth. She’s currently assessing the needs of those in Nellie’s community and exploring new ideas for programs and services. And, even though the new shelter means Nellie’s will have more space designated for programming and counselling (as well as several spaces dedicated for children’s programming), she’s learned from the isolation caused by the pandemic that alternate forms of engaging programming are just as necessary. She’s currently also considering those options.

“For the general public who has never witnessed family violence and the impact of that, it’s easy to think a woman can just leave and everything will be okay,” says Jiin. “But in reality, sometimes leaving is the easiest part. It’s the rebuilding to be independent that is the hardest part and that’s what our programs help with.”

To support our programs for women and their children, please visit our donation page. Or, you can make an even bigger impact by becoming a monthly donor. As a regular monthly supporter, your generosity provides critical and consistent funding towards our daily efforts to help women and their children impacted by abuse, trauma and homelessness. Automatic monthly payments are easy to set up, convenient, and create a lasting impact on the lives of women and their children at Nellie’s.

 For more information on supporting Nellie’s move to the new shelter, please contact Ingrid Graham, Director of Development at Ingrid@nellies.org or at 416-645-1419.

Life inside Nellie’s shelter during the lockdown is quite different than other times. Kids can’t be found running through the halls or bounding down the stairs to our children’s playroom. Moms can’t be found in the kitchen making a cup of tea or joining a group program in the main common room. Because to keep everyone at Nellie’s safe, women and their children are asked to stay in their rooms as much as possible.

“We have to strictly enforce these rules to keep everyone safe,” says Maureen Caines-Comrie, Shelter Manager, adding that as the province loosens lockdown and stay-at-home measures in Toronto, she too will be able to loosen restrictions in the shelter. “We don’t have COVID in the shelter. That’s the positive thing and it means we are doing everything right.”

Last spring, during the first provincial lockdown and emergency orders, we stepped up cleaning and disinfection measures in our shelter and asked residents to stay six feet away from each other and staff. But we carried on with many of our in-person programs, with restrictions. Since schools and daycares were closed, we opened our children’s playroom almost daily, for example, to help older kids with the online learning curriculum and engage the younger ones from a safe social distance.

But then we had a COVID-19 outbreak. In total, 11 residents tested positive (all of our front-line staff tested negative), and everyone moved to a quarantine centre or a nearby hotel while the shelter was thoroughly cleaned and disinfected. When we were allowed to move back into the shelter, a pandemic specialist determined that our space was too small to safely social distance, and so, since June, we’ve operated all of our shelter services out of two locations—the shelter and a nearby hotel, where we have up to nine rooms available to us.

The provincial lockdown and emergency order this winter were much more specific for congregate living spaces. Almost all face-to-face programming and support has been suspended and common areas closed. Women meet with staff or joined one of our support programs virtually from their room. School-aged children attend class virtually from their room (schools reopen in Toronto on February 16) and log into our Children’s Program, which gives them a safe space to express their feelings and work through their emotions, a few times a week, with mom always nearby.

“I try to shift away from being associated with school because the kids are online all day for school now and I don’t want them to feel that the Children’s Program is an extension of school—I want it to be for them to have space and time for themselves,” says Cordelia Fox, Nellie’s Children’s Program Worker.

Last spring, we also hired additional cooks and introduced three daily prepared meals per day to our schedule in order to encourage everyone to stay inside as much as possible. Previously, only dinner was provided to residents, leaving each person to shop for and use the kitchen to prepare their remaining meals for the day. Our cooks continue to prepare all meals for the women and their children at Nellie’s, who then return to their room to eat.

Fresh air and exercise breaks, however, are encouraged. Women and their children frequently use the shelter’s small yard or walk to a nearby park.

“This pandemic has gone on longer than anyone expected, which has impacted everything we do. Most of the women here understand why we’re making new rules all the time but when you put so many different personalities in one spot, and each under more stress than usual, it’s hard,” says Maureen. “It really breaks my heart because I have to enforce the rules but it’s what we need to do to keep everyone safe.”