A child’s experience when fleeing violence and homelessness is very different from their mother’s. That’s because children don’t choose to come to Nellie’s, their mothers do.

A woman living at Nellie’s decides to flee an abusive or unsafe situation; a child living at Nellie’s is torn away from the life they know, often the only life they have ever known, and thrust into new surroundings. Many blame themselves for their living circumstances and what happened to them. All have to learn to process their trauma. And they need a safe space to express their feelings and work through those emotions in an age-appropriate way.

Our Children’s Program helps them do just that through connection and play. Whether it is through group play activities for preschoolers, craft activities for school-aged children, or teen support programs, our Children’s Program provides the vital human relationship that is the first step toward healing.

As part of this journey, we are thrilled to share our newest offering for the children living at Nellie’s — the Rock and Water program. First developed in the Netherlands and now recognized around the world, Rock and Water promotes the positive development of social and emotional competences and prevents and/or reduces problems in how young people see themselves and interact with others. Research has found that Rock and Water decreases depressive feelings, and increases self-esteem, self-regulation and social acceptance by building self-confidence, self-respect and self-reflection.

Nellie’s is the first gender-based violence organization in Canada to implement this innovative program. Only one other person in the country has been certified, and he offers programming within the Ontario youth justice system. Four of our staff members were certified last fall and now that we have moved into our new shelter (which has dedicated program spaces on the third floor), we are beginning to roll it out.

“This program gained international recognition for helping to fight bullying in schools,” says Jyoti Singh, Executive Director, adding that its effectiveness has now been proven beyond the classroom, including in shelter and youth justice settings. “It teaches kids when to assert themselves, when to be flexible and how to speak up when they see injustices.”

Through a series of exercises and games, Rock and Water teaches kids about the kind of situations to assert themselves by setting their own limits and making independent decisions (be a rock) and the kind of situations to be flexible using communication and respecting others’ boundaries (be water). It’s a physical program as the games are martial arts based, and students learn to block, hit strike shields, stand strong, negotiate using “rock” or “water” verbal approaches, walk away from a fight, consider alternatives to aggression, and develop understandings about who they are, their intuitive feelings and their personal direction. We’ve adapted the sessions with a trauma-informed lens that better meets the needs of the children living at Nellie’s, many of whom may move-in or move-out at any time during the program.

Learning to use Rock and Water concepts gives kids more insight into social situations and the impacts of their own behaviour. During this process they learn to make well-considered decisions, including in social situations, and they develop more versatile behavioural alternatives.

“They’re going to learn skills that they can carry with them long after they move out of the shelter,” says Jyoti.