We are just over halfway through the 12 weeks of the Women Experiencing Abuse and Violence Group. Each week we have participants meet to raise awareness about violence against women and build a network of support. Over the last five weeks, we have covered the following topics: cycle of violence, methods of power and control, safety planning, and setting boundaries.

The cycle of abuse looked at the pattern of abuse that is common among most women who have experienced abuse. The stages include the following: the honeymoon phase, the tension phase and the explosion phase. The cycle of abuse repeats itself, often with the Honeymoon phase becoming shorter and the explosion phase happening more frequently the longer the abuse happens.

The group created their own power and control wheel to explore the methods of power and control. The methods of power and control included: using emotional abuse, using social isolation, using male privilege, using intimidation, using coercion and threats, minimizing, denying and blaming, physical abuse and using economic abuse. Women spoke about how the methods of power and control differed based on their social location. For example, one participant who was sponsored by her abuser spoke about how he threatened her immigration status. Each women spoke about how male privilege impacted their lives across diverse backgrounds, especially in the different court systems and how it acted as a barrier in creating safety and was often re-traumatizing.

During safety planning, participants created an emergency escape plan, created a safety plan for living in a new neighborhood and an emotional safety plan. Some participants spoke about the difficulty in safety planning when facing many barriers and extreme isolation. The participants in the group are from diverse cultural backgrounds and diverse parts of the world. One participant stated she learned “how to protect my safety and remove myself from an emergency situation.”

Last week, we discussed setting boundaries. Women drew what their boundaries looked like and most participants spoke about their challenges setting boundaries. Most participants reported that they had trouble or felt bad about saying no, stayed is situations that made themselves feel uncomfortable and constantly felt the need to please people. Women linked this difficulty of saying no to societal pressures placed on them as women. The participants in the group stated the following positive affirmations:

1. I have the right to be who I am and stand up for myself.
2. I deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.
3. I have the right to take care of myself and to put myself first.
4. I accept my right to be imperfect and to do so without feeling guilty.
5. No one has the authority to tell me what to feel, what to think or what to do.

During the group, one participant stated “All my life I have been kept in darkness, nor knowledge or discussion related to my well-being. I have learned so much. I learned about my rights. I deserve a life without abuse.”