“They will blame me,” she states, with so much shame and guilt in her voice that it threatens to break our hearts. Brenda has just recounted her last few hours to us, using such a matter of fact voice, it was as if she was talking about the weather, but the passion with which she spoke those last few words took us by surprise. “It has happened to my friends many times, she continues to say in the same emotionless voice. She is talking about going to the police.
This is Brenda’s Story: she is a sex worker who works on the streets of Toronto at night, when the majority of the time, the only person you can depend on is you. It is dangerous and she knows that. “I have no illusions,” she has told us on more than one occasion, “It will probably be where I die”. You can tell by looking at her, that her night was horrible. She is limping when she first comes around the office door and it is the first thing you notice because she is usually more vibrant when walking. Then you start to notice other things, like, her bottom lip is split and they are twice their size, her face is swollen and her left cheek, ‘her good side’, she tries to joke, has several rows of stitches and is already starting to turn a sickly shade of yellow. Her eyes are puffy from crying and the right one looks bloodshot because she was punched in it. Her left arm is held protectively to her chest by a bandage because her assailant twisted it and held it behind her back. When she pulls up her shirt to show us, we at first thought that she had on a camisole; her entire stomach is black and blue. She is not able to stay in one position for too long and keeps alternating between sitting and standing. She has to bend to do either because she cannot straighten her middle. She is in so much pain that we want to tell her to go have a shower and go to bed, but we want to know what happened and what she wants us to do to help. She was sexually assaulted by one of her clients, she tells us and after several hours, she passed out and was found by one of her friends, who took her to the hospital. They were kind to her at the hospital, however, they had to call to police, but she managed to sneak away before they arrived. They had to run a lot of tests and gave her some pills but she cannot recall what they are all for. She needs to return in a few days for her results and would like staff to accompany her.
When we ask Brenda to go to the police and inform her that a staff member will be there to support her, she is very adamant on not going. We do not insist; it is her choice. We ask if she would like to continue now or later, she replies later. She does not come back to us until the next day because she has slept all through the night, with the staff checking on her, frequently. This is good, we assume, maybe her pain will lessen when she wakes up. When we finally see her, she is still limping and walking bent over and the bruises on her face have worsened overnight. We ask how she is doing and she says that she is in a lot of pain and asks for some of the pills that she brought from the hospital. We comply. Then she sits and tears begin to roll down her cheeks. We ask what she would like to do. “Can you get me counseling?” she asks, “I think I’m ready to talk to somebody.” We are confused, her assault occurred only two nights ago. She goes on to tell us that she was sexually assaulted from the ages of 13 to 15 by a close family member and that she has never told anybody. She can go stretches of time without it bothering her, but sometimes it comes back and makes her feel as if she is going to break. This is one of those times and she does not think that she can keep it in any longer. She thanks us for listening and leaves the office to go eat. We sit there for a few seconds to observe what she just told us and then we spring into action. We call the Barbara Schlifer Clinic and they are able to take her right away. We are lucky because it is usually a long wait to get to see a counselor. They will talk to Brenda about both her childhood sexual abuse and her recent sex assault. We call her in the office and inform her of this. She is so happy that she starts to cry. We also inform her of Maggie’s, an organization for sex workers and ask if she is interested in going, she is. We give her all the information; we also help her create a safety plan for when she is at work. She stays with us for about two months longer and she appears to be happier. Then she gets housing and she is leaving us for her a new chapter in her life. She does not get justice from the law, but she is on her way not only to healing both emotionally and physically, but also to survive. She is more than okay with that. “I am a survivor,” she begins to sing and she walks out the door with a smile on her face.
