Women Experiencing Abuse And Violence

Posts Tagged ‘Women Experiencing Abuse and Violence’

An interview with Nellie’s former staffer, Kristyn Wong-Tam

Posted on: October 12th, 2023 by Nellie's No Comments

2023 marks 50 years since we first opened our doors. It is an incredible milestone, and a reminder of the shelter and support we have given to thousands of women and their children fleeing violence, trauma and homelessness since 1973.

In an occasional series, we’re highlighting stories from 50 years of Nellie’s, including former board members, volunteers, staff members, and more.

Kristyn Wong-Tam, Toronto Centre’s current Member of Provincial Parliament, was an overnight relief worker at Nellie’s in the early 1990s. As a first-year university student, Kristyn started working at Nellie’s somewhat by chance — they were already working at another women’s shelter downtown from 4pm to midnight, and so when they heard Nellie’s needed an overnight relief worker from midnight to 8am, they were keen to pick up an extra shift and earn some more money.

Although they were new to working in shelters, this wasn’t Kristyn’s first experience with homelessness. “At age 16, I came out to my parents, and after that I didn’t feel safe staying home anymore because there were threats towards me,” explains Kristyn. They spent the next two years trying to finish high school while sleeping on friends’ couches, in shelters, rooming houses, and even on the streets. “My story wasn’t unique — this was so prevalent, especially back in those years. But I was able to see first-hand what a difference it made for me to have a safe space and a bed of my own at a shelter, even if only for a night. I really quickly had a deep understanding and appreciation of what it means to have a safe space. And I know personally how quickly someone can lose their home. Because it’s not something I had anticipated. I come from a very tight-knit, small immigrant family. The last thing I would’ve expected was that I would’ve been on my own at the age of 16.”

In some ways, the women and their children coming into Nellie’s reminded Kristyn of their own experience — except now they were on the other side as a shelter worker. “I was able to see early on, the very deep care from Nellie’s in how they treated their clients,” says Kristyn. This was highlighted by how extremely disparate their experiences were in working at two women’s shelters at the same time. Kristyn recalls that at the other shelter (which is no longer in operation), the work was very impersonal. Part-time relief workers, most of whom were university students like Kristyn, would complete intake forms, dispense medications, and prepare food like scrambled eggs from a bag. “I’m pretty sure that during my entire time I was there, I never saw fresh fruits or vegetables,” remembers Kristyn, who was visibly moved by this strong memory. “When I saw the crates of fruits and vegetables come in at Nellie’s, that really struck me — because at the other shelter they were given nothing but frozen vegetables and canned foods. I’ll always remember those fruit and veggie deliveries. You don’t get that level of care at all shelters.”

Kristyn didn’t fully realize it then, but when they reflect back on their time at Nellie’s now, they understand that this experience helped them develop their values and lead them towards a path of political advocacy. Working at Nellie’s was eye-opening for them as they learned about systemic structural violence against women. Although they only were able to work at Nellie’s for a year, they refer to it as a “year of tremendous growth” for them.

“Working with homeless populations and women fleeing violence absolutely informed my political thinking,” explains Kristyn. “It helped me see the inequities and injustices of the world. It put it all in sharper focus. I translated my working and lived experiences into a desire to make policy and legislative change. To compel decision makers to do things differently. Those formative years, working in the shelters, opened my eyes to the structural changes that are needed.”

Thirty years later, Kristyn is proud to have played a role in Nellie’s history, and wants more people to understand the importance of the work that we do. “Nellie’s is meeting the response to homelessness by providing women with dignity — the dignity that they deserve and the care that they deserve,” says Kristyn. “It’s not just that Nellie’s is helping women rebuild their lives by directing them to a counsellor or a housing worker, but they’re also healing them while getting them back on their feet. Nellie’s has been a model of what shelter programming could be.”

As part of this interview, the Nellie’s team took Kristyn on a tour of our new shelter building, which just so happens to be in the same neighbourhood they grew up in. “Going back into the house, taking a tour, and our conversations today…it helped reinforce in me why I’m here doing this work,” says Kristyn. “I’ll always be so grateful that Nellie’s showed me another world was possible.”

WEAV: Building Leadership in Women

Posted on: July 8th, 2013 by Nellie's No Comments

Last month, we completed the first cycle of our WEAV (Women Experiencing Abuse and Violence) support group. Beginning in April, the group ran for 12 weeks with 10 women. WEAV is a psychosocial educational support group for Women and Trans women experiencing oppressions, such as abuse and homelessness. The group runs from a feminist, anti-oppressive/anti-racist framework.

During the early stages of the group, participants explored and celebrated their diverse identities through an exercise called “Mapping our Identity.” This activity gave participants the opportunity to explore themes of power and privilege, the concept of anti-oppression and anti-racism, and their individual experiences of violence in the context of larger societal issues. 83% of participants reported systemic reasons for violence against women, such as patriarchy, homophobia and transphobia, ableism and racism and colonialism.

Over the course of the group, participants gained knowledge and were able to connect their own experiences to the cycle of violence and dynamics of abuse through the Power and Control wheels. Each participant also developed a safety plan, while addressing the importance of not perpetuating victim blaming. One participant stated the best part of attending the group was “understanding it was not my fault” and 83% of participants reported reduced shame and self blame.

Participants also learned about the impacts of violence, strategies for coping and the healing process. Women’s Health and Women’s Hands provided a guest speaker to discuss the effects of trauma. After that session, women validated their own strength as survivors and recognized that attending the group was one step in their healing journey. One woman stated that she “found some peace with some things in herself” and another woman stated, “I learned to be myself.”

At the end of the group, participants explored building communication and healthy relationships. 83% of participants reported that attending the group meant being able to speak openly about violence. This reduced social isolation among participants. Women stated that “getting to share ideas” and “socialize with other women” was what they enjoyed most about the group.

During one of the last sessions, a survivor of violence and previous board member of Nellie’s and her daughter came as guest speakers to talk about their own experience with violence and the current activism work that they do in the community. Many of the participants want to go on to speak out about violence against women as activists. One woman reported that she was already sharing the information with people in her community, and 83% of participants reported that they had developed the strength, courage and skills to confront violence.

Through WEAV, Nellie’s plans to continue to build leadership in women. The goal is to have participants of the program come back as guest speakers for future cycles of WEAV. The new cycle of WEAV begins September 12^th at the Community Support and Outreach Office and will run every Thursday from 6pm to 8pm for 12 weeks.

Women Experiencing Abuse & Violence Support Group: Resistance through Storytelling

Posted on: March 23rd, 2012 by Nellie's No Comments

Nellies’ W.E.A.V group has made a successful start, kicking off the first week of February. Last week we were joined by Sonny B of R3 Collective who facilitated a two week workshop series exploring storytelling and identity using creative writing, spoken word and music as the medium.

Women who stay silent about abuse do so for many reasons; shame, fear of reprisal from systems such as Immigration and Children’s Aid, as well as threats and coercion from abusers. Children who are abused are often told not to tell anyone, that the abuse is a ‘secret’ and that they will not be believed. These messages continue to inundate adult survivors of violence and abuse, and silence is a valuable tool used by abusers and oppressors to have power over their victims.

Speaking out about violence and abuse is itself a form of resistance, not to mention an integral part of the healing process. Oppressed groups have be silenced throughout history, and Nellie’s remains committed to providing spaces for women’s voices to be heard, and bringing those voices to the centre as part of our commitment to Advocacy and Social Justice. Check out this great TED Talk by Chimimanda Adiche, “The Danger of a Single Story.” In this video Chimimanda talks about the implications and importance of who tells our stories and how they are told:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9Ihs241zeg]

While the focus of W.E.A.V is on sexual assault, intimate partner and familial abuse, we discuss and acknowledge less recognized forms of abuse such as racism, homophobia and transphobia, ableism and poverty, not just as issues that compound violence but as forms of systemic violence in and of themselves.

With the guidance of Sonny, a skilled story teller, musician and facilitator, women used the arts to give voice to issues that directly affect their lives. Women worked on individual pieces as well as collaborated to create a spoken word piece titled: ‘Poverty’.

For more information about the R3 Collective click here or contact Sonny directly at sonnybeanmusic@gmail.com

Nellie’s Women Experiencing Abuse and Violence (W.E.A.V.) Group

Posted on: February 1st, 2012 by Nellie's No Comments

Next week marks the beginning of the first cycle of Nellie’s Women Experiencing Abuse and Violence Support Group (W.E.A.V.) for 2012. This group is open to women in our shelter and in the community who have experienced violence and are ready to talk about it. Through a variety of different topics women come together to gain an understanding of the role violence has played in their lives and develop the tools and skills to recognize and be proactive against violence reoccurring in their lives in the future. One of the most important things women realize while attending this group is that abuse is never the fault of the abused, but arises out of the need of the abuser to have control over another person.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdTEY42RxYM]
(Video made by Grade 10 students for Nellie’s YPI Project)

Some of the topics covered during the 12 sessions of this group include: achieving goals, beginning new relationships, the cycle of violence, parenting, starting out on your own, and safety planning. Michelle, a recent participant of Nellie’s W.E.A.V. Group describes her experience as follows: “It was an eye-opening experience for me. I recognized how to avoid situations, when to stand up for myself, and how to transform into a more confident human being. It is wonderful to have others to share stories with, learn from and be supported by.”

At Nellie’s we believe a simultaneous focus on immediate needs such as shelter and health as well as a long-term focus on education and advocacy are the best way to encourage empowerment and independence for all the women and children who come to us for help. Our Women Experiencing Abuse and Violence Group is a core piece of Nellie’s educational programming and offers participants an opportunity to not only learn from our staff facilitators, but most importantly to learn from each other and develop peer relationships that often continue once the group is finished.