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“This can happen to anyone, in any neighbourhood”

Posted on: March 28th, 2024 by Nellie's No Comments

Content warning: The following content contains intense descriptions of assault and violence that some readers may find distressing or triggering.

On the warm July evening that her partner tried to kill her, actress and model Cait Alexander sent a single WhatsApp message to a friend that saved her life. After drunkenly accusing her of hiding his car keys, her partner came at her with a level of grotesque violence she’d never experienced before, including pinning her down, beating and kicking her, leaving bruises and broken skin all over her body.

After what felt like an unending assault, her partner inexplicably left her and went downstairs for a moment. This is when Cait knew she had to act quickly. Although he had hidden her phone, Cait managed to get to her laptop, and sent a WhatsApp message that said: ‘plese help.’ “I didn’t even spell ‘please’ correctly because I was trying to move as quickly as my broken body would allow me,” she says. “If he caught me communicating with the outside world while he was attacking me, he would certainly kill me.”

“I am alive because of that text message,” says Cait. “There is no doubt in my mind.” That message set off a chain of friends trying to check in on her, and ultimately the police being called when she didn’t reply. One of the police officers told her that in her 20-year career, this was one of the worst domestic assaults she had ever seen.

How did Cait’s relationship get to this point? Like so many stories of intimate partner violence, their relationship seemed magical at first. The couple started dating during the pandemic, which Cait says contributed to things moving incredibly quickly — within a month, he had introduced her to his son and they were all living together. His ex was supportive of the new relationship, and all of Cait’s family and friends thought that he was “the one”.

But at around the six-month mark, things started going off the rails. First, her partner’s drinking began to get out of control, and at a gathering at their house he was violent towards her for the first time. He kicked her while she was cleaning up a large glass mason jar that he smashed in a fit of rage, and then got into a fist fight with a friend who tried to protect Cait. “That should have been a huge warning sign of just how diabolical this person could be,” says Cait. “But he apologized for his behaviour, and then everything seemed to sort of normalize.” But not for long.

A few weeks later, on a vacation together to visit some of his friends, he hit her for the first time, smashing her face into the driver’s side window while she was driving. “I’ll never forget what that felt like, the shockwaves of perplexity,” Cait explains. “I felt isolated alone with this person, five or six hours away from home. I just met all of his friends, but now he’s smashed my face into a window.” Again, upon returning home, he apologized and although weary, she tried to put the abuse behind her. The vicious cycle continued until that final nearly lethal night when she called for help.

Now two and a half years after that assault, Cait is still attending therapy for PTSD and seeing neurologists to ensure there’s no permanent brain damage. Her head shape is forever altered, and she has scars on her body that she’s forced to see every day. Cait is sharing her story now to help give strength to others who might currently be in similar situations, and to also bring greater awareness to the prevalence of domestic violence in our communities. “This can happen to anyone, in any neighbourhood,” says Cait. “People say that they think it wouldn’t happen to them or anyone they know. Well, it happened to a woman with two degrees who comes from a rock-solid family that’s still together. It’s happening everywhere and to everyone.” Cait’s advice to other women bringing legal action against their abuser is to document everything. “Every single thing,” she stresses, adding that it’s her photos, videos and journals which helped her build a case against her abuser.

While Cait was fortunate enough to have family to support her as she rebuilt her life, not everyone is. At Nellie’s, we provide shelter and support to all women and their children who are impacted by violence, intimate partner abuse, trauma, and homelessness. We are so much more than just a bed — we’re also a place they can turn to for services and support. We stand alongside them as they navigate the legal system, immigration services, social services, child protection services, health care, and more.

“If the pandemic has highlighted anything, it’s that violence against women is endemic in our society,” says Jyoti Singh, Nellie’s executive director. “The need for organizations like Nellie’s is as significant today as it was when we first opened our doors 50 years ago, and we will always be here to support women in crisis.”

Cait is currently raising awareness about gender-based violence and advocating for changes to the justice system as a result of her case. To learn more, please watch her interview with CityNews Toronto. Thank you, Cait, for sharing your story with us.

50 years of Nellie’s: A timeline

Posted on: November 16th, 2023 by Nellie's No Comments

Fifty years ago, a group of women activists realized that in the city of Toronto there were only 40 beds available for homeless women and over 400 beds for homeless men. Moved to action by this inequality, Nellie’s was founded in 1973 — and it was named after pioneer feminist, Nellie McClung (who was one of five women who challenged the Canadian government in the Supreme Court of Canada to have women declared persons under the law). Here are some of our biggest milestones over the last fifty years:

1973: Nellie’s opens its doors with a 16-bed shelter on Broadview Ave. While initially established for young homeless women dealing with teenage pregnancy, suicide, self-harm, crime, prostitution, ill-health and abuse, staff began to notice that most of the women accessing Nellie’s were middle-aged and older women fleeing domestic violence.

1978: Nellie’s purchases the beautiful historic residential building that became home for more than four decades. Over the years, in response to the overwhelming need, Nellie’s increased its occupancy rate to 36 beds and made the main focus of the organization disrupting violence against women and their children.

2002: Nellie’s opens its Community Support and Outreach office on Queen St. E. Here we provided programming, transitional housing support, a food bank, and more to women and their children who had moved out of the shelter and those who lived in our community at risk of homelessness.

2017: Thanks to a generous grant from La Fondation Emmanuelle Gattuso, Nellie’s launches a children’s program to address the wide range of issues facing children living at the shelter, while also providing them with a safe space to play, explore, and laugh. Two years later, an additional grant allowed Nellie’s to expand the program to also focus on supporting teens living in our shelter.

2019: Nellie’s secures a substantial government investment for the purchase of a new shelter building and begins raising capital to complete the necessary renovations.

2022: Nellie’s moves to the stunning three-storey Victorian building we now call home. Our new shelter has capacity for up to 38 beds across 22 bedrooms (an increase from 36 beds across 9 rooms in the old building), giving family units some privacy, and ample space to provide supportive programs and services. The move closed the Community Support and Outreach office on Queen St., and in 2023 we opened a new office on Cosburn Ave. in East York to offer these services.

2023: Nellie’s gains ground with empowerment self-defense work at the 2023 NGO CSW67 Forum in New York City, an event that runs in parallel to the UN Commission on the Status of Women.

International Women Human Rights Defenders Day

Posted on: November 29th, 2011 by Nellie's No Comments

Today, November 29th is International Woman Human Rights Defenders Day. It is a day to draw attention to the very important work that women around the world are doing to ensure that women’s rights are human rights.

Ensuring the rights, health and well-being of women is to ensure the future of humanity. For decades, international policies protecting the rights of women have been promised, but a global scan of the lives of women around the world today show a vast majority trapped in lives filled with suffering and pain. A global context of racism, classism and sexism work together to create 3 primary barriers that prevent women and their children from living healthy and happy lives: 1) War -perpetuated by a military-industrial complex 2) Poverty -perpetuated by corporate greed and globalization and 3) Violence against women -perpetuated by patriarchal legal systems and decision-makers who protect the status quo.

Rape and sexual violence have long been associated with war and armed-conflict. In the Democratic Republic of Congo alone, an estimated 1,100 rapes are reported each month – that’s an average of 36 women and girls raped each day! It is estimated that during the conflict in Bosnia in the early 1990’s, up to 200,000 women were raped.

Abject poverty can be blamed for the booming business of human trafficking of women and children for slavery or sex work at an estimated USD $32 billion a year, rivaling the economies of some small countries. Dowry murders, honour killings, the prevalence of HIV-AIDS, breast pressing, female genital mutilation, traumatic gynecologic fistula caused by early sexual abuse of girls, female infanticide and a lack of health care (especially reproductive health care) for women result in the staggering truth that in our world today, among women aged 15 to 44, acts of violence cause more death and disability than cancer, malaria, traffic accidents and war combined.

Today, on International Woman Human Rights Defenders Day, we recognize the courage of women and the organisations that work tirelessly to address these issues with the goal of achieving human rights and equality for all women. Women such as Tawakkol Karman, journalist and President of the NGO Women Journalists without Chains who has long campaigned against human rights violations in Yemen. This October, three days after Karman received notification of being awarded the Nobel Peace prize for her efforts to advance the rights of women in Yemen, she and fellow women activists rallying against the government, were forced to endure the pelting of stones thrown by pro-government thugs. For more information on Women Human Rights Defenders, please visit the Woman Human Rights Defenders International Coalition.

How can you make a difference and be a human rights defender?

1) Recognize inequality and encourage change

2) End the abuse of power by those who inflict suffering on those most vulnerable in our communities and around the world by demanding human rights for all women and children.

3) Support women and children to empower themselves and to take control over their own bodies, wages and lives

4) Advocate for ending violence, poverty, homelessness and the oppression of women and children

5) Volunteer your talents or make a donation to an organisation that is working to improve the quality of life for women and children

“…the full and complete development of a country, the welfare of the world and the cause of peace require the maximum participation of women on equal terms with men in all fields.” ~1979 Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW) ratified by 180 nation/states around the world

Nellie’s Holiday Auction is Online Today!

Posted on: November 18th, 2011 by Nellie's No Comments

This holiday season, give a gift with extra meaning…

Today we are so excited to announce that Nellie’s Holiday Auction is LIVE and ONLINE at Nellie’s Marketplace Website. This inaugural online fundriasing event is being held to raise funds for the women and children at Nellie’s who will be with us over the holidays.

The support we have received from business owners in our community has been fantastic and we are pleased to offer many great items such as spa packages, dinners, gift certificates, vacations, household items, and much more!

Know someone who loves coffee? Why not purchase a $25 Gift Certificate from Lit Espresso Bar, one of Toronto’s most talked-about new coffee shops. Want to surprise your special someone with some time away from the city? How about a 1-night stay at the Marmora Inn. Trying to shop for the fashionistas in your family – a $1000 family wardrobe from Brooks Brothers would be perfect!

Have the gifts you give this holiday season come with extra meaning by purchasing them from Nellie’s Marketplace. 100% of the proceeds from our online auction will go to the women and children at Nellie’s who are beginning new lives, free from violence and abuse.

In addition to our Marketplace Website, we will be featuring our items on twitter so please follow us @nelliesshelter for up to date information, and maybe even a few bidding wars. Our auction is online until December 16th so bid high and bid often!

We hope you find the perfect gift for your loved ones at Nellie’s Holiday Auction.

Thank you to our Summer Student Employees

Posted on: September 16th, 2011 by Nellie's No Comments

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” -Confucius-

Orientation

Our student employees worked unbelievably hard this summer to support the women and children in our care. We are so grateful for the talent, skills, ambition, and passion that they brought to Nellie’s. A world without violence is possible, and these young women are working to make it a reality.

Emily worked on our Community Support & Outreach Team with women who were seeking assistance in the areas of immigration, legal issues, child welfare, and housing. We are proud that Emily will be continuing her work with Nellie’s as a Relief Staff.

Maria worked with our Development Team to assist with fundraising, administration, and event planning. Maria played a very important role in planning our Online Holiday Auction and will continue on as a volunteer at Nellie’s.

Erin worked with our Transitional Housing & Support Team to assist women to access safe and affordable housing. Erin supported women throughout the intake and application process for subsidized housing and connected them to resources around the city that they can access when they are living on their own.

On behalf of all the women, children, and staff at Nellie’s, we would like to thank Emily, Maria, and Erin for making this summer at Nellie’s a great one for everyone. Thank you as well to Human Resources & Skills Development Canada for providing the funding for our Summer Student Employee Program.

Bike Sharing Program a great success!

Posted on: August 15th, 2011 by Nellie's No Comments

We would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone involved in Nellie’s Bike Sharing Program. In just over a month YOU have helped us create a brand new program that is helping women and children at Nellie’s get around the city!

In total we received 24 women’s bikes and 7 children’s bikes. In addition, we also received locks, lights, and helmets to keep our riders safe.

We are so pleased to be able to share this feedback from the women at the shelter:

“In all my life I have never had a bike. I’m 45 now and I finally have one. This program has changed my life!“

“I feel so proud to have a bike that’s all mine!“

“I can put my things in the basket and then I go. To work, to shopping…it’s good!“

From shopping and appointments, to work and outings, the women and children at Nellie’s are enjoying the benefits of increased physical activity, connecting with community supports, and also having a lot of fun!

Thanks to our kind and generous supporters, we now have all the bikes we need. If you are a community organization in need of bikes this summer, please contact info@nellies.org and we would be more than happy to share the love and direct any additional bike donors your way.