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Halima’s Story

I arrived at Nellie’s during the middle of my first winter in Canada. It was bitterly cold. I was 8 months pregnant with my 2 year old son in tow. We were tired, scared and cold. When we arrived at Nellie’s, I remember immediately feeling safe and warm at the shelter.

I came from a violent and conflict-ridden country in Africa. We barely escaped genocide because of our ethnicity and were very lucky to arrive as refugees here. In Canada I thought everything would be good, but I was wrong. We ended up staying in shared living arrangement where I was exploited and abused by a roommate. It was unbearable for me and my son. What I went through was very difficult and both my son and I could not speak English, we didn’t trust anyone, and we couldn’t sleep for fear something terrible would happen to us.  I was speaking to a friend one day and she told me to call Nellie’s..

During my first few days at Nellie’s, I was very guarded – even with the staff. But after a few weeks, I felt more comfortable and carefully began to share my information. Understanding my situation, the staff at the shelter were able help me retain a lawyer who was knowledgeable in women’s issues and the refugee process.  With the kind help and support of Nellie’s staff, I was guided through the application process to remain in Canada and I began to feel relieved that I might not have to go back to my war torn country.

Nellie’s helped me with many things that have guided me along this journey to freedom. They connected me with counselors at the Canadian Centre for Victims of Torture and despite our refugee status, they found a doctor at the local Community Health Clinic to provide healthcare to both myself and my son.
While I was at Nellie’s, I joined a weekly support group at the shelter called WEAV (Women Ending Violence and Abuse). In the beginning the group meetings were very painful and emotional for me, but in time I started to feel safe enough to share what I had been through. These weekly meetings gave me a point of connection with so many other women at the shelter who had also been through very difficult and painful experiences. Having this space to reflect really gave me strength to speak about that which was very difficult for me, and gave me hope to make things better for myself and my son. I learned that I was not alone or at fault for all the terrible things in my life.

Over weeks of attending the group I learned about intimate partner violence, systemic and gender focused violence and the impact of violence on not just me but my son as well. I was taught to identify the challenges my son was facing as a result of witnessing violence and understand what type of support he needed.  I began to gather the resources and coping skills necessary to begin to heal from the trauma I experienced and began to make plans for a future free from violence. Together with the other women in the group, we confronted stereotypes of victims of violence and misogynist societal beliefs. We also discussed what helps us to move on, such as the growing knowledge that we are not alone, ways to cope with the physical and emotional impact of trauma, and the importance of having a space like Nellie’s to rebuild our lives. For me, it was my son that provided a driving force when it seemed there would be no end to suffering, If it weren’t for my children, I would not be here today. I can’t give up because of them.

During my stay I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl, and with the help of Nellie’s Child and Youth Advocate I was able to access day care for my son. Five months after I arrived at Nellie’s, with the support of new friends, we moved into our very own home to truly begin a life free from violence.

On my last day at the Shelter, I gave all the staff a thank you card. On it I handwrote the message:  ‘We couldn’t have done it without you.’